Wild Cherry Chews
by Aeris1172
Summary: “Helmer, I know you’ve got your dangerous nature and all, but could you please not scare away the customers anymore? The more customers that scream like girls and run to their mothers, the less I get paid. chapter five up! FINALLY!
1. Tattletale

**Wild Cherry Chews**

**Well, I had this idea like o em gee, forevuh ago. I'm finally finishing it up, for the first chapter. This story is completely humorous. Well, almost. There's a few serious parts, but those really don't come in until the next chapters. Everyone's going to be OOC in this, but it's not like Shion's turned into a printer humper. O.o Very weird. Anyways… Enjoy!**

**xXxXxXx**

**Chapter One:**

**Tattletale**

A short, chubby woman waddled down the immensely small hallways past a few small children, who were smothered as she squeezed past them.

"Excuse me," she squealed as she looked down and saw a pair of arms flailing beneath her as if she was in the midst of a birth malfunction. She trudged on, then came to a door with a paper star poorly taped on it. She raised her meaty arm and banged on the door violently as her... meat... jiggled unceremoniously. She screeched a few words not understandable to any language in the entire cosmos and waddled off again, this time in a bit of a retarded sprint. The door creaked open slightly. chaos sat in the corner, eyes wide as he curled into a slight fetal position as he stared at the door in utter horror. There were more footsteps, this time much softer than the woman's. chaos winced as someone knocked lightly on the door, causing it to creak open some more.

"chaos?" Asked a soft, warm voice as a hand curled around the edge of the door and pushed it open. Part of the person's face became visible when they peeked in, one emerald eye surveying the room cautiously. When they saw chaos sitting on the couch in terror, they flung the door open and walked in, sighing exasperatedly. It was Shion.

"chaos, you can't sit there looking like a newborn. Get up. It's time for the--"

"M-Mommy," chaos managed to stammer, blinking slowly, not looking at her. Shion seemed as if she had been smacked in the face as she blinked in confusion, staring at the silver haired boy on the couch. She set her clipboard down on the table beside the doorway and walked up to chaos, looking at him with a expression that made her look like she was a sexual relationship counselor.

"What's wrong with you?" She asked, sitting down beside him and putting her hand on his knee. He stayed silent as he stared blankly at her face and let his legs fall from the fetal position he was curled into. "chaos, you can tell me…" She said, moving her hand to his shoulder and gripping it reassuringly.

"Th-The fat lady," chaos stammered, relaxing a bit. Shion bit her lip lightly, her nostrils flaring, trying not to laugh. Chaos let out a mouse-like squeak and she lost her composure. She began laughing hysterically, burying her head into chaos's lap. Chaos blinked slowly, looking down at the brunette. There was another loud bang on the door, then it flew open, the fat lady standing in front of the doorway, a pained look on her face. Shion quickly sat up, but twisted her feet around each other and fell off the couch with a squeal. The meaty woman's eye twitched slightly as she stared at the out of breath Shion and the wide-eyed chaos. She opened her mouth and out came an earsplitting roar.

"DIRECTOR TELL ME TO GET SILVER HAIRED BOY! BUT ME SEE GREEN EYE GIRL PLEASING SILVER HAIRED BOY! I TELL DIRECTOR THAT SHOOT IS CANCEL!" she screeched, her fat rolling like a sea as she struggled to turn around in the doorway. She squealed as the door frame cracked slightly and she waddled down the hallway with it smashed around her body. The children looked up once more, their faces then plastered with terror. They ran down the hallway and took a sharp left, then loud crashes were heard. Shion turned onto her back, glancing at chaos, a little scared. She scrambled to her feet and they both took off running down the hallway after the woman, whose screeches you could practically hear from a mile away.

"DIIIIIIIIIIIRECTOR!" She screamed, storming onto a photography set. The director looked up from a piece of paper and pulled his shades down.

"Yes?"

"GREEN EYE GIRL PLEASING YOUR ACTOR BOY IN DRESSING ROOM!" The then director yanked off his shades and stood up, his face twisted into a sick grin.

"Reeally now?" he asked, the rest of the crew coming in and forming a half circle around him and the woman. She grinned proudly.

"YES." The director laughed hysterically, dropping his glasses and thrusting his fist into the air, an idea hitting him. The crew buzzed with chatter as the woman spat out a lie. "WHITE ALL OVER." The man's laughter grew much louder and maniac. "SHE WAS IN NOTHING BUT PANTIES." As the laughter subsided, the director's eyes gleamed insanely.

"I could make a documentary about this! Behind the scenes of the famous—"

"Director!" yelled Shion, coming out from the hallway, out of breath as she bent over, hands on her knees followed by chaos. The crew grinned and nudged each other.

"Tomboy Shion finally got some!" a tall, brown haired man cried, grinning insanely. Shion stood up, her mouth open in shock. chaos's eyes widened.

"Has she got a nice rack, chaos?" yelled another. Shion scoffed.

"What?" She yelled, stomping her foot onto the hardwood floor, walking towards the crew. "I am NOT involved with chaos! It's against protocol anyway! I'm his bloody stage manager!"

"Like you've ever cared about protocol!"

"Shut up!" Shion yelled, her eyes glowing with hatred as she glanced at the fat lady. chaos stepped forwards, looking calm and unfazed.

"Your helper, Thaddeus, has been—"

"Sir." Corrected Thaddeus, the director.

"Your helper," chaos said, pausing and a gleam of hate flashing through his eyes, "_sir_," he said, his voice soaked with poison, "has done nothing but cause trouble for me," he said, glancing at the woman. He blinked slightly. "And my door," he said referring to the doorframe still attached to her. She screeched loudly and the crew members winced as she flapped her arms, smiling insanely.

"Yeah!" Quipped Shion, pointing at the fat woman, looking highly confused.

"Well, chaos…" The arguing continued for quite a while, until at least the woman fell down,sleeping, snoring and twitching. Everyone glanced at her and suppressed laughter.

"chaos, Shion, you're FIRED!" The director screamed, pointing at them, eye twitching slightly as he dropped his sunglasses, the soft impact actually echoing in the room, making a dramatic effect, as if the two's lives were ending, which they most certainly won't be, considering the author has some interesting turns in store which include—

-obtains a brick to the face-

"B-But, sir," Shion choked, completely astounded. "We didn't do anything!"

"Besides oral sex and breaking protocol? NO! GET OUT OF MY STUDIO!" A random janitor appeared.

"Man, this isn't your studio, you're renting this bitch," he said, looking gruff, sticking out his bottom lip.

"SHUT UP!" The director screeched, pointing at the baack door, for Shion and chaos. chaos stood in shock and amazement, while Shion looked on the verge of tears and was pouting. "Get your things and GET OUT! I'll find myself another man for Wild Cherry Chews wrapper photos!" He snarled. Shion hung her head and shuffled off to chaos's dressing room to grab her backpack and leave. chaos jogged after her, then stopped her.

"Hey, sorry about that," he apologized, patting her on the shoulder.

"It's not your fault that Sarah thought I was… you know," she said, letting out a slight laugh, sniffing and wiping her teary eyes.

"I didn't know it had a name," chaos said in all seriousness. Shion laughed slightly again.

"I can always see if Allen'll get me a job." chaos raised an eyebrow at Shion's statement.

"In the mafia?" He asked, disbelieving. Shion laughed again, then shrugged. "Why not work with Jin?"

"And make pottery? I think not," she said, walking towards the dressing room again. chaos followed.

"Better than putting your life on the line with Allen," chaos said. Shion sighed.

"I'd completely put my life on the line for Allen. I love him so much, you know?" She said dreamily. chaos stayed silent.

"…No. I wouldn't know. I've never been in love with Allen," he said. Shion laughed once more, this time more heartily. She twisted the doorknob open and stepped into the small room. "Okay, well… Let's grab our stuff," chaos said, closing the door behind him.

"Right," Shion said with a nod. She looked around for her backpack as chaos took a bag from the closet and shoved his stuff in it. There was a knock on the door. Shion groaned.

"Whaddya want?" She asked, annoyed.

"I am coming in, Shion," a monotone voice said. The door busted down with a bang, and a cloud of dust poured into the room, causing Shion to hack and cough uncontrollably. As the dust cleared, the form of the tall, heartless android, KOS-MOS was visible. Though she was wearing a pair of jeans, and a black hoodie with the two words, 'Lady Sovereign' plastered on it in bright rainbow letters (and 'Just Whine like a Gypsy' in grey letters below it) you could tell she wasn't human. Shion had bought her colored contacts, blue to be precise, and had tried to make her look more real, so she'd appeal to more people as more than just a weapon of mass destruction. Wouldn't it suck to be a weapon of mass destruction? Well, actually, our minds could be weapons of mass destruction with the right tools… Anyway.

"Oh, hello KOS-MOS," Shion said.

"I have heard that you two have been fired for Shion performing oral sex on you, chaos. Am I correct?" The blue haired android asked. Shion winced.

"Not exactly," chaos said.

"We got fired, but my mouth never touched chaos's… er… genitals," Shion said, looking for the right words, feeling slightly awkward telling her own creation about oral sex.

"Just like giving your kid the talk, eh?" came another voice from the door. Their director, Thaddeus, was leaning on the door, where the door frame should have been, looking highly pleased with himself. "Shion, I'm sure you could put your… talents to good use," he said, smirking. KOS-MOS turned to him.

"I suggest you… How would I put this? Perhaps shut the fuck up," she said. Shion's jaw dropped.

"Where in the world did you hear that, KOS-MOS?" She demanded, looking very angry.

"…You."

"Oh!" Shion said, blushing. "Oh yes…" She giggled, then picked up her backpack and slipped it onto her back. "Anyway…"

"We should get going," chaos said, glaring at the director. The director nodded.

"You should, children," he said. Shion growled at him and KOS-MOS took notice of it.

"Shion," she said.

"Yes, KOS-MOS?" Shion replied through gritted teeth.

"Would you like me to kick this bastard's ass all the way to Kingdom Come?" KOS-MOS asked.

"…I'm guessing you learned that from me?" She asked, ashamed.

"Negative. From the captain of the Elsa," KOS-MOS responded. Shion snapped her fingers.

"Well, I'll be having a talk with him later!" The director snorted.

"Talk. Riiiiiight," Thaddeus said, rolling his eyes.

"…I _will_ laugh when you die," Shion said icily, glaring daggers at the middle-age director at the door. Thaddeus shrugged.

"I will remember you as the chick who gave the guy who was the Wild Cherry Chews guy a blow job and got fired cause the fat chick tattled on you," he said, smiling at her. Sarah just happened to be at the door, somehow not smashing Thaddeus roared.

"I AM NOT FAT. I AM FLUFFY," she screamed, stomping her feet. The building shook violently, and Shion and chaos ducked as some plaster from the ceiling of the dressing room came falling down. "YOU ARE POMPOUS SACK OF CRAP." Sarah waddled off again, wailing hysterically.

"…Okay, now get the hell out," Thaddeus said quickly, jogging after the jiggly, upset Sarah. Shion and chaos exchanged glances, then walked out the door, following KOS-MOS. One of the men who teased Shion came up to chaos, laughing stupidly.

"Hey, man, can I have your autograph?" He asked, still laughing. KOS-MOS stepped forwards, and extended her arm at him. He laughed. "What're you gonna do? Molest me?" KOS-MOS's head twitched.

"R-CANNON!" She screamed at the top of her robot lungs, which was pretty loud, mind you. A beam brightened the whole room, and the screeches of pain from the man could have been heard outside the studio, from quite a few miles away. Or maybe not. Shion winced and held her hand over her eyes.

"WHOA!" As the bright light cleared, Shion opened her eyes, and screamed bloody murder.

"OHMYGOD, I'M BLIND, KOS-MOS!" She squealed. Suddenly, the black moved away from her eyes and she saw chaos. She gasped.

"chaos! You have healing powers! You **are** Jesus!" She said, glomping chaos gleefully. He awkwardly patted her on the back.

"Er—actually, no. You just had your hand over your eyes," he explained as she pulled away.

"Oh. Right…" She looked around, slightly confused. "Let's go," she said, stepping over the man on the ground, who was twitching incessantly. KOS-MOS and chaos followed. When she reached the door, she turned around and took a long last look at the studio that she and chaos had been working in for a year. She bit her lip and sighed.

"FINALLY OUT OF THIS HELL HOLE! HOORAH!" She screamed, emerging into the sunny outdoors, stretching and smiling. She laughed happily.

"Come to think of it, it's pretty nice not to have to go to work early every morning now and do new poses," chaos said, cracking his neck.

"And to not think them up for you," Shion retorted. chaos chuckled.

"Remember that one with the squeaky duck?"

"Oh my god," Shion said, laughing. "That was so funny." She reminisced in her mind momentarily then sighed.

"Aaah, shit, I miss it already."

**xXxXxXx**

**Um… yeah. First chapter has ended! I know it wasn't very long, but hey… It took me about two months to actually finish it. I'd love to know if you like it, so please review!**

**SHAKE IT UP! **

**AND REVIEW!**

**-cue tambourine-**

**-Aeris**


	2. Midgets and the Mafia

**Wild Cherry Chews**

**Woohoo! It's chapter two! And ohmygod, it rhymed! XD Anyways… I'm grateful for all your reviews. One reviewer said they didn't get email often, but when I tried to email them, it said that the email address was invalid! D: It made me sad. Anyways… If that was you, make sure you put the right email address into your review this time! Anywho. On with chapter two! (OHMYGOD, ANOTHER RHYME!) I own noshing in hurrrr. Not even Mountain Dew. D:**

**xXxXxXx**

**Chapter Two: **

Shion made her way towards Allen's work in Second Miltia, casting glances over her shoulder every so often, to take a look back at the studio she used to work at. Yes, poor Shion just got fired. She kicked a rock towards a passing car, and it hit the road, and bounced up, smashing part of the windshield. The alarm went off, and the driver slammed on the brakes, losing control of the blue car, crashing into a studio wall. Her eyes went wide, and she ran off, her feet carrying her as fast as she could. She toppled over a small person, thinking it was a child, and sat up as fast as she could, looking highly remorseful.

"Ohmygosh, I am so sorry!" She cried, reaching out. A small person turned around, shaking their head at her. Shion felt her voice disappear.

An extremely short man stood in front of her, in a pink, leather miniskirt, and a purple camisole, furry pink high heels and a fluffy, too long rainbow boa. She could see bra straps, and looked down. They'd stuffed the bra with a material not very breast oriented.

"Nah, hun, don't worry," he said, touching her knee lightly. "It's all good." He jogged off in his pink, furry high heels, and his miniskirt. The man could certainly run about in heels and not fall over!

"M-Midget transvestite?" Shion muttered to herself, blinking as the small man yanked up his skirt and adjusted his chest, turning the corner. She shook her head, then stood up and quickly made her way towards the grungy outer skirts of the city, where Allen worked.

**xXxXxXx**

"…Welcome to Hooters, how may I help you?" A small, light-cherry haired girl asked, pulling an order pad out of the pocket of her small shorts. The two men looked up, expecting a thin, busty, tall woman ready to flirt with, but then they were face to face with the girl, who looked about thirteen. Their expressions dropped.

"…Aren't you a little young to be working here, little girl?" The older man asked, tilting his head at her. She shook her head.

"Nope. I'm nineteen," she said. The men's jaws dropped.

"Bullshit," the younger one raved. The girl shook her head at him. "There is _no _way you're nineteen."

"Yes, I am. Anyways… My name is Momo, and I'll be your waitress for today. Can I take your drink orders?" She asked, pulling a pen out from her high ponytail and putting it to the notepad. The men hesitated, still staring at her. She coughed loudly.

"Oh, right, right. Uh, I'll have a Coors light," the older man said, setting his menu down and looking up at Momo, who nodded, and wrote it down.

"And I'll take a Pepsi," the younger man said, smiling at Momo. In response, Momo, of course, smiled back.

"I'll be back with your drinks momentarily, gentlemen," she said, walking off, into an office. The men looked at each other in confusion.

"Mom!" She cried, leaning against the door. Juli stumbled out of a large, movable closet, looking flushed, and her senses extremely heightened. (A/N: -Gigglesnort-)

"Yeeehhpp?" She asked, fixing her hair, looking like she was ready to fall over.

"Do we carry Coors Light?" She asked, racking her brain to remember.

"Yes, it's behind the bar, in the cooler on the left. The purple cooler," Juli said, smoothing out her hair some more, almost losing her balance once again. Momo nodded, then exited the room, closing the door lightly behind her.

"Okay, coast is clear," Juli said. Ziggy stumbled out of the closet, grinning and laughing as he wrapped his arms around her. She grinned as well, then placed a kiss on his cheek.

"One month anniversary, hon," she said, kissing him again. He kissed back, then pulled away.

"Want to go out for dinner tonight or something?" He asked. She nodded in agreeance.

"Well, I've gotta get back to work out there…" Juli stated, yawning and squeezing out of his arms. She waved, then left the room. Ziggy sighed and sat back down at his desk, doing his taxes. _When're we gonna break it to her? _He pondered to himself, resting his chin on his hands thoughtfully.

**xXxXxXx**

"Password?"

"…I'm here to see Allen," Shion said, glaring through the slit in which the man was staring at her through. His eyes widened and his head bobbed up and down.

"Ooh, you're Shion. Okay. C'mon in," he said, swinging open the heavy, steel door for her. She stepped in and he quickly shut it behind her, not wanting more attention to the Second Miltia mafia headquarters.

"Hi. My name's Jon," the man said, extending an arm to her. She nodded and shook his hand.

"Shion, obviously," she replied, pulling a piece of gum out of her pocket, unwrapping it and popping it into her mouth.

"Spare a piece?" He asked. She nodded.

"Sure," she said, taking out another piece and handing it to the tall red-haired man in front of him. He nodded and took the wrapper off, putting it in his mouth and chewing it anxiously.

"Gum binge. Trying to quit smoking," he said. "Allen's down there, first door on the left, playing poker." Jon pointed down the smoky, dim hall in front of him. Shion nodded.

"Thanks," she said, walking off down the hall, chewing on her Winterfresh and hoisting her bag up her back. She knocked on the wooden door on the first left. She could hear music and laughing coming from it. …Was this what Allen did all the time? Is this what he got _paid_ for?

"Come in!" Someone yelled over the music and conversation. Shion twisted the shiny doorknob, and stepped inside, to see about five men sitting at a table, smoking cigarettes, drinking, and playing cards. Allen looked up at the door.

"Close the door would-" He stopped in the middle of you, and it came out like, "y-eww?" with a retarded 'ew' part. Shion cocked an eyebrow at him (which takes a lot of skill, mind you) and gave him a look like, 'Do you suddenly have Down Syndrome or something?' Can't say I've ever seen that look before, but I'll try it tomorrow.

"Shion!" He said in shock, yanking a cigar out of his mouth and snuffing it out in the large ashtray in the middle of the table. He set his cards face down, and stood up, grinning at the brunette at the door with the 'Down Syndrome' look on her face still. Not that SHE has Down Syndrome, but that would be funny, wouldn't it?

"Hey, it's the infamous Shion! Show us your gorgeous boobs, why don't cha?" One man said, wriggling his eyebrows suggestively, and leaning back in his chair. Shion's face moved from 'Down Syndrome' to 'Allen, how dare you tell of my gorgeous breasts!' quickly. Allen winced.

"_Darling_, let me speak to you outside of the room," he said, stalking over to her, and opening the door, ushering her out quickly.

"Why did that guy just ask me about my boobs?" She demanded, folding her arms over her chest self-conciously.

"Good question. So, what are you doing here, Shion?" He said, changing the subject eagerly, smiling at her, and leaning against the wall.

"Well, I need a job," she said, biting her lip and looking down at the floor. Allen let out a hearty laugh.

"A job here? C'mon, Shion. You couldn't keep up," he said, giving her a wink, and nudging her. She kept a solemn expression.

"Allen, I got fired, so either you give me a job, or I end up a waitress at Hooters with Momo and Juli," she said. Allen's lips formed into a twisted grin, and he looked up, then back down at his girlfriend.

"That _would _be quite tasty," he said, wriggling his eyebrows.

"Shut up, Allen. I need a job!" She retorted, punching Allen playfully. He let out a loud laugh.

"I can't give you a job, because it's not my job to do that."

"Oh… Well, that sucks."

"Yeah. I'll see what I can find for you, though," he said, stepping forwards and pulling Shion into a tight hug. "Love you and see you tonight. Dinner at your place?" He asked, planting a kiss on her forehead. She let out a soft moan of agreement, then pulled out of the embrace and set her lips on Allen's.

"You'd better get going. Jon's gawking," he said, giving her a wink, and mumbling through their lip contact. She pulled away and grinned.

"Bye," she said, giving him a chaste kiss on the cheek, then walking off towards the exit, hoisting her bag onto her other shoulder, for the strap had fallen off. Jon nodded at her as she came near to the door. She reached forwards, and twisted the large handle, and pulled back the strong, large, metal door. As the door closed behind her, Jon turned around, gave Allen a huge, ear-to-ear grin, and a thumbs up. Allen just rolled his eyes and walked back into the room he had been in earlier. He slammed it shut.

**xXxXxXx**

"Uh, yeah, can I get a chili dog and a Mountain Dew?" A person with a hoodie on, and the hood thrown over his or her head asked. The hot dog vendor looked up, and gave them an odd look, then turned around and yanked a bottle of Mountain Dew out of a cooler and handed it to them.

"Mountain Dew," he said. The still anonymous person gave a nod, and took it gratefully, sliding a ten dollar bill into the man's hand.

"Keep the change," the person said, moving aside and waiting for their order to be finished. Another person in a hoodie stalked up.

"chaos, may we please leave?" She asked, throwing off her hood to reveal the blue-ness of KOS-MOS. chaos sighed and pulled his hood down.

"After I get moi chili dog, yes."

"Translation: after I get me chili dog, yes. chaos, are you Irish?"

"…No, that was French," chaos said, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"Yes, but you're talking like an Irish, if you had said me instead of moi. Because moi means me in French. Some Irish people say me instead of my."

"KOS-MOS?"

"Yes?"

"Shut up," chaos commanded, rubbing at his temples. God, could his day get ANY worse? He just got fired from his job (in which he got A LOT of money!), an android was correcting his speaking, and all he wanted was a chili dog and a Mountain Dew. He twisted the cap off the bottle and took a gulp of the icy liquid. When he pulled it away from his lips, he choked.

"FRIGGIN CHEST FREEZE, AHHH!" He shrieked, clutching his chest in pain. He usually didn't freak out in public when he got chest freeze, but now it was a different story. There really wasn't a large amount of people around, not counting the hobos who were sleeping on benches, and KOS-MOS would probably only smack the crap out of him… Oh, shit. Wait.

"chaos," she said. chaos looked up, terrified, then saw her open palm coming towards his face. Suddenly, everything was in slow motion, and he heard himself go, "Nooo!" in a slow motion scream. SMACK.

Before KOS-MOS's palm had made contact with chaos's tan cheek, chaos had yanked his hand out of his pocket, and with super-uber-duper-'i'm lyke omg so much kewlier than j00'-rockin' your socks speed, smacked her first. She of course, still smacked him, but chaos didn't feel the impact, for he was too busy gawking at the mark he'd left on her cheek from his palm.

"Hehe, sorry, KOS-MOS," chaos said, withdrawing his hand, chuckling nervously. KOS-MOS stared at chaos in shock, then pulled her hand back.

"Uh, sir. Here's your chili dog," the vendor said, looking at chaos and KOS-MOS, almost terrified. chaos grinned and took his food.

"Thanks a lot," he said, taking a huge bite of the chili dog, and getting chili all around his lips, and almost up his nose. He snorted, then grabbed a napkin, and wiped his mouth. He followed KOS-MOS.

"Sho, where're go'n?" He asked, his mouth full of his food.

"Shion's apartment," she said, stopping at the corner of the sidewalk and pressing the button to walk across violently. chaos nodded at her, then choked.

"Whash?" He swallowed his food. "How come?"

"I am going to find both of you jobs," she said, pulling her hoodie down as the light turned into a person. chaos stepped forwards and made his way across the street, followed suit by KOS-MOS.

"Well, we can find our own jobs, you know. Why do you want to find us jobs?"

"Because you must work together," she said, once they both reached the other side of the street. Hehe, they're just like chickens… Why did chaos and KOS-MOS cross the road? To get to the other side! Bwahahahahah! Ahem.

"Um… Alright," chaos muttered, evading a stranger's shoulder, only to be hit in the knees with their briefcase. He let out a squeak, and quickly stood beside KOS-MOS, trying to give the impression of tall and strong, but failed miserably. "Why?" Suddenly, the android stopped moving, and looked down her nose at him darkly.

"Because the author is stuck," she said, in an extremely deep tone, which was almost Exorcist-like. chaos gulped.

"O-Okay…" He choked out, looking terrified. KOS-MOS backed away and continued walking, leaving chaos in a terrified wake. Jesus, if she scared him like that, then he'd probably end up crapping his pants when she found a job for him and Shion.

"chaos. Come on!" she screeched from up ahead, stomping her foot. chaos groaned and shuffled forwards, following her closely. He pulled the bottle of Mountain Dew out of his hoodie pocket, and took a few gulps, tipping his head back extremely far. Ahh, Mountain Dew… His serene drinking of the carbonated and extremely sugarfied liquid was interrupted as a baseball flew in his direction, knocked his Moutain Dew out of his hand, and it spilled all down his neck. The bottle fell to the ground and chaos yelled in alarm, looking up, to see a kid in a car, hanging out of the window.

"DRIVE-BY BASEBALL SMACK!"

**xXxXxXx**

**Chapter two is OVER! Celebration, everyone! Give me a review! Thanks! Love. Major props if you know where the 'drive-by baseball smack' is based from! Take a guess... Also, thanks to KOS-MOSrox for the idea for KOS-MOS being all Exorcist-y. Thanks alot, bud! -throws Ghiradelli squares at you- Reviewers shall get candy!**

**-Aeris**


	3. Cause and Effect At Its Finest!

**Wild Cherry Chews**

**Woohoo! Aeris is back with part THREE. Which is the farthest I've gotten in any of my fics on Go me! –throws cookies at all of meh reviewers- All you mofos, review this whole story! NOW! Here goes Part _THREE. _Me no owny. Plus, there's Jim Gaffigan-ness in here! Wheee! I don't own Dr. Pepper either. GAWD I OWN NOTHING!**

**HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KALTMR. THIS IS FOR YOU. :D**

**xXxXxXx**

**Chapter Three: Cause and Effect at Its Finest**

All chaos wanted was a freakin' t-shirt. How _hard _is it to find a t-shirt? Especially in the middle of Second Miltia, where there are freakin' vendors selling t-shirts that read 'Get Chewed!' on them. Yet, it seemed that every single shirt vendor was out to lunch! At three in the afternoon, too. But wouldn't that be, like, rush hour for the t-shirt selling industry? chaos couldn't seem to figure it out. Poor, poor chaos.

There he was, walking around Second Miltia, shirtless on a hot day. Well, yeah. If it was _cold_, then why would he have his shirt off? Whatever. Underage girls were gawking at him, and some older women were gawking at him. Then there were the gay guys too. They gawked a lot. chaos also could have sworn he saw KOS-MOS eye him a few times when she thought he wasn't looking.

When they arrived at Shion's apartment complex, KOS-MOS ingeniously found an extra key in a hidden compartment on the top of her door frame. She popped it open and fumbled with the key a bit, then closed it again. She shoved the key in the lock, and twisted the doorknob open, stepping inside. There was a whistle from behind them, and chaos took a glance back, to see a man in tight leather jeans and a fishnet pink over shirt walking up the steps towards them. chaos pushed KOS-MOS inside of the apartment as quickly as he could, and then slammed the door behind them, exhaling. He reached towards the door and locked it eagerly.

"It seems that Shion is not home," KOS-MOS said.

"Well, thank you oh-so-much, Captain Obvious," chaos said, walking into her living room and throwing himself on her couch.

"…You are welcome," she replied, walking into Shion's living room and taking a seat in the recliner beside the window. The apartment may have been beside someone else's, but at the back, they had a view of the trees and the pool behind the main office. A very _shiny_ pool, may I add. Also, which in, she'd gone for a midnight swim, only to find something resembling a Baby Ruth at the bottom of the pool. You get what I'm saying, right? She was honestly trying to find somewhere better to live, but couldn't seem to find anything at the moment, because she'd lost all her money on paying the rent. It was extremely high for the crappy apartments there. Six hundred a month. Crazy, right? Yeah.

"…Where is Shion anyway?" chaos said, breaking the silence that they were both sharing like dessert at Red Lobster.

"I do not know."

"…Can't you like, scan for her, or something?" chaos asked, looking at her and snuggling into the comfy couch he was lying on.

"…It is a possibility," she said almost lazily. chaos let out a groan, and rested his head on the green pillow upon the couch that was setting behind his head.

"Lazy butt," he said, pouting.

**xXxXxXx**

As Shion walked back from Allen's work, she chewed on her piece of gum angrily, the thought of Allen doing nothing, and getting paid for it pissing her off more and more by the second. She kicked a beer bottle that had rolled out from a bum's hand on the street forcefully. Suddenly, her luck vanished, and the bottled soared into the air, air resistance seeming nonexistent with science at that point, and flew towards an old lady with a cane who was holding a grocery bag. Everything seemed to fall into slow motion.

"Watch out!" Shion screamed, pointing at the old woman. Unfortunately, she was hearing impaired, and the bottle didn't deter from its path of upcoming bodily injuries. Slow motion disappeared at the bottle smacked into the middle of the woman's neck, and the paper grocery bag went tumbling from her hand. Amazing how they still use those, right? Ahem…

"Oh, my God!" Someone yelled as the old lady fell to her knees, cane snapping in half. Shion arched an eyebrow. There was no way that a stupid beer bottle caused that much damage.

_Curse the author… Curse her! _Shion screamed at herself.

All the contents in the grocery back spilled across the street, and a person on a bicycle pressed on both their brakes at the same time, and went flying off the bike seat. They soared onto the top of a car, screaming in a very odd manner. The glass of the windshield cracked, and the car spun out of control, twisting towards a fire hydrant on the side of the street. The fire hydrant busted off of the cement of the sidewalk, and water spewed everywhere, drowning the old lady who had fallen on her face in water. Her dentures flew out of her mouth and were shot up in the stream of the water. She shrieked, her lips clinging to her gums as she tried to stand up, only to fall back down into a puddle of water because she slipped on the beer bottle again. The bottle flew into the street and smashed the window of a passing car. They too spun out of control.

"What the hell?" Shion muttered to herself in disbelief, jaw dropped. "No _way_."

The car slammed into the nearest building, which happened to be the local SPCA, and there were animal's cries heard. All of a sudden, cats and dogs ran everywhere, mewing and barking insanely as they jumped on people, cars, and even jumped into the fire hydrant's stream. Of course, it wasn't a cat that jumped into the hydrant's vicinity. The dog floated upon the shooting water in the air for a few moments, then the water suddenly stopped, and the dog fell atop the old lady on the ground who had been struggling to get up in the first place.

Suddenly, a news crew van slid up, tires screeching loudly. The side door flew open and out stepped a woman in a blue suit, wearing black stilletos, and her hair pulled back into a tight bun. Shion recognized her as the planetary newscaster, Pepper Price. She was an ex-hooker.

"This scene is radical! Just like spreading extreme peanut butter, which is nothing but PEANUTS! Boys, get the cameras rolling on this situation here!" She commanded, referring to the mass hysteria in the middle of the street, which was spreading like chicken pox. She tapped her lips and glanced at Shion.

"You, miss!" She said, pointing a at her. "Were you here when this first started?"

"Yes," Shion said truthfully, swallowing. Pepper approached her as quickly as she could without falling on her face.

"How did it all begin?" She asked dramatically.

"...Beer bottle," was all Shion could get out, pointing to the beer bottle in the middle of the street, which had surprisingly survived more than any normal bottle could.

"How intriguing!"

"Yeah, I suppose," Shion whispered, looking dazed. The whole hysteria going on was her fault... But she wasn't going to tell that on the universal news, was she! Okay, so it wasn't universal, it was only Second Miltia... But planetary news, still!

"David, Marty, get your asses over here! I'm going to interview Ms... What'syername?" She asked Shion.

"Shion Uzuki," Shion said, smiling slightly.

"Miss Uzuki. David... DAVID! Stop oogling at the woman with the wet white t-shirt and get over here!" David snapped into reality and jogged over to Pepper, Marty and Shion. He pulled up the boom over Shion and Pepper. Marty clicked on the camera and began filming.

"This is Pepper Price from the evening six o'clock news, with a live report from the streets of Second Miltia. We are currently investigating the spreading mass hysteria washing over the city like antifreeze! I'm here with Miss Shion Uzuki, who was here when it all started. Now, Miss Uzuki, how did it begin?" She questioned, turning to Shion, brushing some dull coppery hair out of her eyes.

"Um, someone kicked that beer bottle in the street," she said, pausing, expecting Marty to turn and take a shot of the beer bottle. "And it hit the old woman in the back of the neck. It was just cause and effect, I guess," Shion said, blinking.

"Ah, yes, cause and effect at its finest. Thank you very much Miss Cookie, now let me brief you on the situation in the city streets."

"It's Uzuki..."

"...Oh yes, I'm sure it is."

Shion walked away from the shot of the camera, then looked back, long enough to see David gawking at her, for her shirt had gotten wet too. The boom smacked Pepper in the side of the face roughly. She let out an 'aah!' and almost toppled over because of her black stilletos. Shion let out a laugh, then gripped her backpack tighter and began walking towards her apartments, wondering how long it would take her to find another job.

**xXxXxXx**

"Do you know what time it is, KOS-MOS?" chaos questioned, opening his eyes from the nap he had been taking, which only lasted about fifteen minutes, for KOS-MOS began to fiddle with all the objects in Shion's household curiously, and loudly too.

"It is approximately six twenty-five PM," she said monotonously, poking something in the kitchen that looked much like a microwave. chaos glanced at her.

"What're you doing?"

"Examining this machinery," she replied, still poking buttons in an angry fashion.

"…Yeah, what _is _that?" chaos muttered.

"It's a microwave, now please stop poking my kitchen appliances, KOS-MOS," said a voice from the door, along with a jingle of a bunch of keys. KOS-MOS and chaos turned towards the door, to see Shion walking into the kitchen and tossing her keys on the counter-top and throwing her backpack onto the floor beside the small table she had next to the kitchen area.

"Hey, Shion," chaos said, giving her a smile. She didn't pay attention to him, and went into her room, claiming that she had to change her shirt. Thoughtlessly, chaos followed her in, where she had already stripped herself of her shirt, and was standing in front of her closet, rummaging through hangers in nothing but beat-up jean Capri's and a black, nearly see-through bra. Needless to say, chaos had _quite _a view. She glanced up, pulling her hair out of the bun she'd thrown it into on the way back home. She resisted the urge to let her jaw drop at his top-half nudeness. Sure he didn't have a six-pack, but it was a lovely sight after her and Allen's sexual drought.

"Uh, hello," she choked out, feeling her face turn a shade of red to match KOS-MOS's eyes. "Need something?" She asked, looking into her closet, and shuffling hangers from side to side.

"I was wondering if you had a shirt I could borrow," he said, the corners of his mouth twitching. He couldn't seem to keep his eyes off Shion's chest. "My shirt and my hoodie got killed by some idiot who threw a baseball at me." Shion laughed, and grabbed a sweater out of her closet. She pulled it over her head.

"Yeah, I do," she said, yanking out a rather large shirt that chaos guessed the slept in. She tossed it at him and he smiled at her.

"Thanks," he said, pulling the shirt over his head, and running a hand through his silvery hair, which he thought should be cut since he didn't work with Wild Cherry Chews Incorporated anymore. Yeah… He'd get it cut short, and start spiking it. Pimpin'. Hellz yeah.

"Not a problem," Shion said, sliding her closet doors shut, and brushing past chaos, making her way towards the kitchen. KOS-MOS glanced at her. _Ooooooooh my god_, Shion thought, looking at the floor, for she knew KOS-MOS would make some kind of comment any second.

"Shion."

"Yes?" Shion replied, opening her fridge and pulling out a Dr. Pepper. She sat down on the other side of the counter in between the kitchen and the living room on a stool.

"Are you dying?" KOS-MOS asked casually. Shion choked on her Dr. Pepper.

"What? No!"

"Your breathing was irregular when you walked into the room, and your face was rather flushed. Are you sure you are not dying of a sudden disease, such as a sudden mononuklieptikan cardiac arrest syndrome or SMCAS?" KOS-MOS inquired, looking as if she hadn't been more calm in her life.

"…Dying of _WHAT_?" Shion yelled, her eyes the size of about sixty wheels and axles. Slowly, chaos walked in.

"Who's dying of what?"

"I'm dying of sudden mono-monkey-nuclear-war-cap-i-tan cardiac arrest syndrome!" Shion choked out, her hand gripping her Dr. Pepper can in a terrified way.

"Mononuklieptikan."

"Er—interesting. Really," chaos said, throwing open Shion's fridge and grabbing a Dr. Pepper as Shion had.

"It seems as if chaos is too, as he is in a similar state. Or did you two engage in sexual intercourse while in Shion's bedroom, also known as… a _quickie_?"

"Uh--WHA! I'm dating Allen, KOS-MOS! How could you say that?"

"...YEAH, SHE'S DATING ALLEN AND I'M DATING... THIS... uh... STICK," chaos retorted, pulling a stick out of nowhere. (A/N: O.o; Oh my.) Shion went silent.

"...Where did you get that stick?" She questioned quietly, looking at him, terrified.

"...Uh... Good question," chaos said, his bottom lip twitching slightly. He walked to the window on the other side of the kitchen, opened the window and tossed it out carelessly.

"HOSHIT MY EYE!" Shion scratched the back of her neck nervously, then hopped up onto the counter top.

"Anyways," she began as chaos stepped away from the window, whistling innocently, but glancing at the window in a terrified manner. Shion cocked an eyebrow at him.

"Who was out there?" She asked, giving him an evil look.

"Um… I don't know?" chaos lied horribly.

"C'mon, c'mon, c'mon… NOW DIE!" A voice screamed. Shion groaned. She recognized that stupid voice so easily. Suddenly, a blurred figure appeared in Shion's kitchen. As a matter of fact, they teleported, and were sitting on Shion's lap.

"HEY!" Shion yelled, the person cutting off the circulation to her legs. "Get offa me!"

"Yo, mah homie fries!" The person yelled, coming into focus after a few seconds of flailing on Shion's lap.

"Albedo!" chaos said in a stern voice, going into a sudden battle stance. Albedo narrowed his eyes at chaos.

"Watch it, angel boy. You don't have your little glovies on. Can't touch this!" Albedo did a grinding motion, and Shion screamed in his ear. He let out a girly shriek, then fell off her lap with a thump. He stood up, and chaos's face contorted in disgust. Poor Albedo had that stick in his eye! Needless to say, it was graphic as well!

"… Your _eye_!" Shion shrieked, covering her own eyes as Albedo poked KOS-MOS's shiny armor. KOS-MOS glared at him intensely.

"Touch me again and I will destroy you," she said simply.

"I can' t beeeee destroyed, don'tcha know?" Albedo said in a whiney voice that reminded Shion of her little demon cousin Alexis, who liked to try and walk in on her and Allen gettin' their groove on. Suddenly, Albedo ripped his head off. Shion let out another scream, even though she couldn't see anything. She could _sense _it.

"Shion, you can't even see anything, and you're screaming," Albedo said casually.

"But I can sense it! Oh, how I can _sense_ it! I can sense it with my ESPN!" She squealed, kicking angrily. Albedo let out a scream of pain.

"That was me crotch, lass!" He said weakly, before closing his eyes of his reanimated head, and passing out.

"He made me blind! That's the second time today I've been blind!" Shion yelled hysterically, squirming frantically. Sighing, chaos stepped over Albedo's unconscious body, and removed Shion's hands from her eyes for her. She gasped, and smiled at him.

"Thank you, chaos! You and your healing powers have saved me from a life of eternal blindosity!" Shion threw herself at chaos, wrapping her arms around his neck, making small 'squee' noises.

"Shion… You had your hand over your eyes. Remember with your _brain_." KOS-MOS reprimanded this time. Shion let go of chaos, and giggled stupidly.

"Oooh yeah!" She glanced down at Albedo. "What do we do with him?" She asked, kicking him in the side. He didn't stir.

"Let's throw him down a flight of stairs," KOS-MOS suggested. Shion looked up at KOS-MOS.

"…That's a good idea," chaos said, nodding. They all looked at each other, then down at Albedo, deciding his painful fate.

**xXxXxXx**

It was late. Very late. Late as in, like three in the morning late. Or early. Whichever you prefer. As well as being late/early, it was cold. Cold as in, like 30 degrees Fahrenheit cold, and you're wearing nothing but booty shorts, flip-flops, and a bikini top. That kind of cold.

"Uuugh, mommy…" A low groan came from the bottom of the metal, even colder steps, along with a few cracking bones. "Oh!"

"Are you alright?" Someone asked, leaning over the awakening body.

"Uhn… I think so," the person replied. They quickly snapped into consciousness, only to realize that they were laying at the bottom of a flight of metal, icy cold stairs. They stood up, only to have their ankle crack dramatically, and fall back down.

"What's your name?" The other person asked, nudging them.

"My name's Albedo, and stop touching me!" Albedo yelled harshly, smacking the person on their arm.

"Ow!"

"This is all Rubedo's fault," Albedo whispered, coming to a conclusion. "If it hadn't been for him, I would never be here today! I would have never got that stick in my eye!"

"Geostigma? Are you Cloud?" The person asked, touching Albedo's shoulder.

"Get OFF me!" Albedo yelled, flailing about. "This is all Rubedo's fault! Rubedo, mark my words, I will hunt you down and carry out my revenge! HE IS THE CAUSE, AND THIS IS THE EFFECT!" Albedo had screamed this at the top of his lungs, clenching his fists, and losing air, only to choke.

"I WILL HUNT. YOU. DOWN. RUBEDO!" Albedo screamed even louder, awakening some of the apartment residents. He collapsed, losing consciousness again. The person poked Albedo, then laughed in a quite maniacal way.

"I have another sla-ave, oh yes I doooo," they sang quietly, as they hopped up the steps, grabbed Albedo's arms, and dragged them up towards their apartment.

"Slavey, slavey, slaaaaaavey…"

**xXxXxXx**

**YES YES YES IT'S DONE! I am SO HAPPY! I finally finished this chapter, even if I had to cut it off, like WHOA shorter than I wanted it to be. Chapter four will definitely make up for that. And to KOS-MOS rox, the end of chapter four will make up for this too! I'm sorry about that! I just wanted to finish this and put it up! Wheeee!**

**Revieeeeeeew! –insert desperate plea here-**

**OMG! FF7:AC was sooo sad. I just saw it 2 nights ago, and I watched it last night too. Waah…. I love Aeris! She's lyke omgah kewl! I kept crying everytime I heard her voice or whatever… I just got it that the guy in the wheelchair was… Well, I'm not going to spoil it for those of you who haven't seen it.**

**GO SEE IT! IT'S AMAZING! Okay, now review, please. KTHXBAI!**

**-Aeris**


	4. Press Four for Dutch!

**Wild Cherry Chews**

**I know what you're thinking. "HOLY CRAP. It's chapter four, and I bet there's absolutely no plot revealed! This story SUCKS!" I don't even think there's an actual plot line… Well, I kinda know what it is, but then I don't…. SHUT UP. Don't whine, just read. When the plot's revealed, I'll be murdered… So, I'm not too anxious to reveal that stuff. ANYWAY. I don't own this stuff. I wish I owned Jr.'s band… I'd be one lucky, rich chick. ;.; On with it.**

**Jr's gonna be in an older body since it'd be kind of weird to have a short looking kid being the lead singer of a band called Erotic Bubble Gum.**

**Chapter Four: Press Four for Dutch!**

**xXxXxXx**

Coffee. Warm, hot, caffeinated coffee.

Mountain Dew. Cold, refreshing, crisp Mountain Dew. Also caffeinated.

Shion's eyes flickered between the two, as she sat on the stool in her kitchen, in her pajamas, which consisted of a big shirt, and a big pair of comfy pants. She was concentrating as hard as she possibly could, and her head was aching terribly.

She wanted a quick waker-upper. A very quick one. She wasn't a morning person, and always had to rely on multiple caffeinated drinks every single morning. She was very protective over her beloved coffee and pop. And her Starbucks cold mocha frappuccinos that she kept in her fridge, at the topmost part, in the back, so that no one besides her knew where they were. Unfortunately, she was out. God, how she could go for a freakin' doubleshot right then…

"Ooh, Mountain Dew," our favorite silver haired wonder exclaimed joyfully, snatching the Mountain Dew can up from the counter, popping it open quickly and taking a long swig. Shion's bottom lip protruded out further than her top, looking extremely depressed as she watched her ex-co-worker chug the caffeinated drink that she was going to choose over the coffee.

"chaaaoooos," she whined, staring at him, trying to maybe burn his face off so she could steal the Mountain Dew back. He pulled the can away from his mouth, and let out a satisfied 'Ahh' then looked at Shion. He choked a bit.

"CHEST FREEZE! OHH, JESUS CHRIST ON A MOTORCYCLE!" He set the can down on the counter in front of Shion and doubled over, choking and letting out pained groans. She paid no attention to him, but let her gaze linger longingly on the can of Mountain Dew that chaos's lips had contaminated.

"…chaos," she said quietly over his groans and whimpers of pain.

"Hehehe….. Mommy..."

"chaos," she said again.

"What?" He choked out, standing up, his eyes watery. He sniffled and rubbed his eyes, mumbling.

"I was gonna drink that," she said, her tired, red eyes gazing up at him. He let out a nervous "heh" and reached for the can of pop again.

"Heheh… Surely you have another can in your fridge," he said, some tears trickling down his cheeks. He sniffled again. Shion perked up a bit.

"Ooh yeeaaah," she said. "Right, and uh, don't call me Shirley." She went to get off her stool, and failed miserably, only to topple over by getting her feet entangled in the foot rests on the bottom of the stool. She let out a yelp and hit the ground, groaning.

"I'm okaaay…" chaos saw her hop up quickly, stumble a bit, then lean on the fridge for support. He shook his head, and took a sip of his Mountain Dew, careful not to get chest freeze again. Suddenly, the phone started ringing insanely.

"Gawd! Who's calling so freakin' early?" Shion stammered, eyes wide and staring at the entrance to the living room, where the holographic phone screen was.

"It's two thirty, Shion," chaos said, glancing at her in disbelief, almost dropping the can of pop in the process.

"Oh…" She muttered. Suddenly, KOS-MOS flew into the room like a bullet, holding up her small pistol.

"Enemy threat detected," she exclaimed, clicking off the safety on the pistol, aiming it at the phone. Shion's jaw dropped and she extended her arm, almost as if her hand was going to magically transform into chaos's and she was going to blow the pistol out of KOS-MOS's fingers. Before chaos or Shion had another second to react, KOS-MOS pulled the trigger and a bullet shot out of the pistol and into the phone it smashed. Pieces of the pricey phone shot everywhere, and the ringing automatically disappeared. Shion's expression dropped from her face as she watched the remains of the phone smoking on the floor.

"Shion. My physical appearance is down 5. I need to be-" Shion snapped.

"I don't GIVE a shit about your appearance! YOU'RE GONNA GET RAPED BECAUSE YOU DRESS LIKE A WHORE! You crackwhore! You don't even get paid! You just get crack! What use is crack?" She screamed, stomping her feet like a little child.

"Define crack," KOS-MOS said casually. Shion screamed again.

"Your ASS!" Shion stomped past KOS-MOS in a hormonal rage, and into her room, slamming the door behind her. There was an awkward silence for a few moments, until Shion poked her head out of the door, tears streaming down her face.

"And you're fat!" She shrieked at KOS-MOS. Shion popped back into her room, and chaos and KOS-MOS listened to her anguished cries of random words, such as 'chicken' and 'lipstick.' In a flash, Shion changed, and exited her room, sniffling and wiping away tears. She looked like a colorblind hippie. Nervously, chaos glanced at KOS-MOS, hoping she'd watch her mouth for once, and just shut her trap. Unfortunately, KOS-MOS had to be a bagel.

"Shion, your moodiness has increased by astronomical proportions. I suggest a pregnancy test," KOS-MOS exclaimed, still holding her phone-blowing up pistol at her side. Shion shot KOS-MOS a look that could scare a _rock_. She reached for the nearest thing, which happened to be a ketchup bottle and began violently hitting KOS-MOS in the face with the bottle. KOS-MOS didn't so much as flinch, but stared at Shion through her desperate attempt to murder her.

"AAAAAAGHHH!" Shion screeched, almost as a war cry.

"Shion," chaos said quietly, grabbing onto her arm, and pulling her away from KOS-MOS. "Come on." He dragged her away from KOS-MOS who continued to stare at Shion emotionlessly.

"It could be that chaos has impregnated you from your "quickie" yesterday," KOS-MOS continued. "Or Allen could have impregnated you weeks ago. Although, I would be able to sense slight thermal energy from your uterus, and I sense nothing as of now. There is a 99.9 percent chance that if you're pregnant, it is chaos's child," she said, not noticing the loophole, for the fact that maybe could be pregnant with the next Jesus, and was granted that wonderful gift the night before.

Shion's hormonal rage took over once again and she puched chaos in the nose as hard as she could, trying to get to KOS-MOS. Clutching his already bleeding nose, chaos dropped to his knees, whimpering.

"Ah! My nose!"

"I did not screw chaos!" Shion yelled, trying to tackle the blue-haired android standing in front of her, only for chaos to grab her ankle, and for her to fall flat on her face. She let out a shriek that sounded much like the word 'cookie' but we won't get into that right now. Cautiously, chaos stood up, holding his probably broken and definitely bleeding nose, looking at Shion.

"Shion, get up," he said through the blood cascading down his face and onto his shirt, which was actually Shion's. He grabbed her by the arm with much difficulty and dragged her into her own room, tossing her on the bed as roughly as possible, trying to shake some sense into her. He closed the door behind him and took his shirt off. (**A/N: Heh**.) Shion stared at him in disbelief.

"ch-chaos?" She muttered, her sanity coming back to her immediately as she saw the sight of his tan chest.

"Didn't your mother tell you it was rude to stare?" He said, glaring at her with such an intensity she thought her own head was going to explode.

"Um," Shion stammered, her face turning crimson.

"Shut up," chaos said, holding the shirt up to his bleeding nose. "I'm bleeding because of you," he said through the shirt. "And stop blushing. I'm not going to touch you, as much as you'd like it," chaos said, still glaring at her.

Head explosion in three... two... one...

"Touch _me_? As much as _I_ would like it! I'm dating Allen! You're stupid, chaos! Stupid like a llama!"

"Shion, shut up."

"You would be the one enjoying the touching cause _you_ can't get any ass!"

"Shut up."

"You stupid queerboy!"

"SHUT UP! YOU BROKE MY NOSE AND I'M BLEEDING FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!" chaos screamed at her through the shirt. Shion immediately closed her mouth and sat there quietly, looking at chaos, shocked. There was a small crackling noise from beside chaos, and suddenly, a small cloud appeared. The raging hormonal woman and the silver-haired wonder stared in amazement as the cloud formed, and a man's head poked out of it, glancing at chaos.

"Stop saying your name in vain, stupid," he said, choking on the cloud as he struggled to dive back into it. He did along with a shriek, and a pop. The cloud vaporized.

"…Was that God?" Shion said after a long silence.

"I think so," chaos responded, choking on the blood that had flowed into his mouth while he had been gawking at the man on the cloud, also known as God. Shion cleared her throat as chaos's blood dripped onto her carpet.

"That's my carpet," she said.

"Huh? Uh… oh! Okay, sorry," he said sheepishly, standing up and groaning, for he had smashed the shirt against his nose. "Christ!" He yelled.

"Would you freaking stop?" Shrieked the shrill voice of the entity that had visited them moments ago. Shion stood up and looked at herself in the mirror, breathing deeply.

"I am not going insane. No matter how many times you think you hear God, you are not insane. You are not schizophrenic. You are sane, and… yes, you're completely sane," she said to herself in an unconvincing manner, inhaling and exhaling slowly and fully.

"Shion, trust me, you're not insane," chaos confirmed, coming up beside her and taking a glance at himself in the mirror.

"…Well, you're crazy enough to break my nose, but other than that, I think you're a relatively well adjusted human being," he said, trying to smile, but failing miserably when a sharp pain struck him in his face. "Chri-crap!" He screeched, catching himself. Shion smiled at him.

"Thanks, chaos," she said. "I'm gonna change into something less colorblind and go to Rapunzel's to see Miyuki." chaos nodded as well as he could in his current state, and left the room, to see KOS-MOS standing in front of the open fridge, inspecting every crumb inside the cold food shelter curiously. He sighed.

"KOS-MOS, leave her fridge alone. We're gonna go buy her a new phone," he exclaimed, tossing the blood covered shirt into the trash. The android closed the fridge door, and approached the door, twisting the doorknob and stepping outside. With his head tilted back, he followed. He felt blood trickling down into his throat.

"Uhb, KOS-BOS? Do yew 'ink yew cuh cas Me'ica oh be?" chaos said with much difficulty, for he was trying to stop blood from gushing from his nose, but it flowed down the sides of his face as well. "Ah I ha du gi' uh shir' du." chaos turned from KOS-MOS and stalked back into the house, knocking on Shion's bedroom door. Our favorite android stood outside, waiting for chaos and his angelic ass impatiently. He came out in a dark blue sweater, the same pants he had on and a pair of flip-flops. KOS-MOS stared at him.

"Me'ica peez?" chaos begged, holding his nose, trying to keep blood from dripping onto Shion's sweater. KOS-MOS cast Medica, healing his nose, and then stalked down the steps, followed by the now-healed chaos.

"Huzzah! Phone search!" chaos cried in a sing-song voice, very pleased with the fact that his nose was healed, and he was getting away from the insanely hormonal Shion.

"chaos."

"Yeeeeeeeeep?"

"Shut up or I will be forced to break your nose _permanently_."

**xXxXxXx**

Rapunzel's was the coffee house in a small town an hour outside of Second Miltia, called Lovingston. It was across from a flower shop that used to be a gas station where most of the kids that skated hung, because the cops would get called if they skated in the street. A red hovercar drove through the streets, past the Blue Star music building, down past the Wells-Sheffield funeral home, which had a concrete memorial bench out in front, and past the flower shop called Blossom's. It slowed to a halt as it veered to the left, parking next to the sidewalk. The door swung open and Shion stepped out, pulling her dark sunglasses down over her emerald eyes.

It was a Friday afternoon and by seven thirty, teenagers would flock the coffee shop. It was the local hangout for most of the teens through their school year, but since the year had ended and summer break boredom was wracking them, they all fled to the antique coffee shop on Friday nights for a good time.

Shion glanced at her wrist watch; it was four. She'd spent a half hour being in a hormonal rage and screaming at KOS-MOS and breaking chaos's nose, plus an hour traveling. She glanced at her right hand. There was a bit of blood on it. She let out a quiet, "Eww," and rubbed it on the side of her car. The color would blend. She moved around the car and onto the sidewalk, walking towards the two story coffee/antique shop and kicking along a rock. After a third kick, it bounced up, flying towards a car window. Shion groaned.

"Not again," she whined.

SMASH.

Shion glanced at the broken window sadly, then walked past the car, her hands shoved in her pockets, avoiding the kicking of rocks. She approached the steps, only for a man to come out, and took a look at the car with the broken window, skitter over and cry. Hysterically. She opened her mouth, as if to say something, but what could she say?

"Whoops, sorry, I kicked a _rock _at your window by accident."

She could just imagine his response. She promptly shut her mouth, swung open the door to Rapunzel's and stepped inside, the bells ringing loudly behind her.

She loved Rapunzel's. It had been designed especially to resemble a local coffee house on Lost Jerusalem by a very exclusive company. There was a small sign hanging on the front of the inside door to the area where you could purchase your coffee and homemade munchies (toffee bars, brownies, and whatever the owner and workers had decided to whip up in their spare time) that read 'Will trade coffee for gossip.'

Shion pushed open the door, accompanied by the ringing of more bells, and a worker leaning over the counter and seeing who had come in.

"Hey there, Sarah," Shion greeted to the worker, who was actually the owner. Sarah smiled. Shion took a few steps forward, standing behind the man at the counter.

"Hello," she said softly, and pushing some long frizzy blonde hair out of her eyes as she took another customer's order. Shion glanced at the chalkboard behind the counter, mounted on the wall above all the coffee machines and bottled flavourings, deciding what to get. The first customer walked off, their order being made. A man came out from the small stockroom, walking past the bookcase full of tapes and books, a hamper with some paintings, and a large peach, vinyl couch which had a colorful afghan lying on the back. He squeezed past a pair of people talking about a French movie, and approached the counter, glancing at Shion. He smiled.

"Shion," he said. "How can I help you?" He asked.

"Well, Jeff, you can get me a tall mocha with whip cream and chocolate," she said, her green eyes still skimming over the chalkboard. She pulled her wallet out of her back pocket, and yanked out a five, handing it to Jeff. "Have you seen Miyuki?" She asked, looking around the shop.

"Miyuki? Oh, right. She said if you needed her she'd be back there. She's probably looking at sex books," Jeff said with a sigh, giving Shion her change. Shion shook her head.

"Keep the change, and… sex books?" She asked, her eyebrows raised. Jeff shook his head.

"It wasn't my idea," he said, slipping the change into the "Save a damsel" jar. Shion nodded.

"Riiight," she said teasingly, putting her wallet back into her pocket and turning away, walking towards the books area, where there was a table with a chess set with missing chess pieces. Indeed, there Miyuki was, sitting on the steps up to a second smaller area that lead to backstage, a book called "Bodies As One" in her lap, and her eyes wide as she read slowly. She held up the book, twisting it upside down, then to the left.

"Which way does it go?" she muttered, her mouth agape. Shion sighed.

"I think it goes the way it's supposed to go," she said, approaching Miyuki and flipping the book closed. "Right-side up, Miyuki." She held the book right-side up and waved it around.

"Heeeey, Shion! I thought you'd never get here!" She squealed as Shion squeezed past the table, putting the book back in the "Educational" section that was the highest up.

"Well, I'm here now," Shion said, annoyed. Miyuki hopped up quickly, only for her feet to catch on the rug and to fall right back down, except on her face. Shion groaned. "Stop playing and get up…"

"Excuuuuse me if this rug is qu-eer!" She said in a sing-song voice, making a retarded face at Shion. She bent over and picked her coffee up off the steps and moonwalked across the carpet over to the built-in window seat, taking a seat with her back facing towards the window.

"So, so, so. Did Allen eat dinner with you last night or what? Oh, I tried calling you this morning around like two-thirty, but it said it was like, all disconnected like, you know? Yeah. How's the job? Has KOS-MOS shot anyone at the company yet? You said they all sucked there. Especially that fat lady. What was her name? Llama? Amy? Jesus Christ Superstar? KOS-MOS rox? Doesn't matter, though right? Totally. But so-"

"Miyuki. Breathe. And let me respond," Shion said, watching Miyuki blabber on, running out of breath. "MIYUKI!" Shion shrieked. Miyuki immediately silenced herself and took a few deep breaths.

"Okay. So, like, yeah," Miyuki said, as slow as she possibly could.

"Well, Allen didn't eat dinner with me last night. He had to work late because a case came up. KOS-MOS blew up my phone. With a gun. I think my neighbors think I'm a homicidal maniac who shoots hamsters in the stomach for fun. The job is over. I got fired. Yes, KOS-MOS shot someone. She actually used R-CANNON on him, and almost blew up the entire studio. The fat lady's name was… I don't know. It was probably some lame ass name like Janey Sue or something. True. It doesn't matter."

"You know, you're the only one that remembers everything I say in super-fast omega Miyuki mode. Props, my homie," she said, giving Shion a peace sign and taking a sip of her coffee.

"Yeah, well, how long have I known you, after all?" Shion said, glancing at the approaching Rapunzel's employee, who was Jeff. He set her coffee on the table, and glanced at Miyuki, smiling sheepishly.

"Heeeey Jeff, mah man! How's life?" She asked, grinning at the tall, dark haired man with his hands shoved in his pockets. He shrugged with a small smile on his lips.

"I'm not complaining," he said casually. Miyuki glanced at Shion with a smirk on her face and then turned back to Jeff, smiling widely.

"Say, Jeff… Are you _busy_ tonight?" Miyuki said, trying a little too hard to get her message across. Jeff's lips turned up into an even larger smile.

"Hmm, I don't think so," he said, trying to play it off as if it wasn't making him excited and all crazy-like. "Any reason why?"

"Well, I was wondering if you wanted to have dinner with me tonight… Unless you're not interested, then I can... do something else," she said, looking at him with hopeful eyes.

"Why not? Sure," he said, shrugging. "I can pick you up or I can meet you somewhere."

"Ooh, pick me up! I heart chauffeurs," Miyuki squealed excitedly, her grin growing. She pulled a piece of paper out of her purse that had been sitting on the window seat, and a pen out of her ponytail and writing down her number and address. "Mm, call me later and I'll give you directions to my humble abode." Shion shook her head at Miyuki as she dipped her finger into the whip cream atop of her hot coffee.

"Alright," Jeff said, taking the piece of paper that Miyuki was holding out to him in between her index and middle finger. He stuffed it in one of his back pockets. "See you then."

"Miyuki's got a hot da-ate," Shion sing-songed as Jeff walked away, still smiling.

"Shion's got a not hot boyfriend," Miyuki mocked, sticking her tongue out at her. Shion whacked Miyuki on the arm angrily.

"Allen is so hot!" She cried defensively. Suddenly, Shion's cell phone stared ringing and vibrating. She let out a 'hmm' and reached into her pocket, pulling it out, and flipping it open.

"Hello?"

"Shion's got a sex toy to-oo," Miyuki sang, bobbing her head around. Shion hit Miyuki once again, almost spilling her coffee all over her lap.

"Oh, hey, Allen," Shion said, smiling and twisting a lock of brown hair around her index finger. Miyuki made a face at her and Shion once again took a swing at her, smacking her upside the head this time.

"Ow! And speak of the freakin' Devil!" Miyuki almost shrieked. At the larger coffee table behind Shion, a woman flinched, dropped her book and spilled her coffee all over herself.

"Devil!" She shouted, grasping her cross necklace, terrified. Miyuki stared at her with her own mouth open slightly and an eyebrow raised.

"Someone say my name?" She asked, staring the woman right in the eye, pursing her lips. The woman gasped, and pointed slowly.

"Y-You're the Devil?"

"That's what I said, cracka," Miyuki said snobbishly, taking a large gulp of her room-temperature coffee.

"B-But… the Devil is supposed to be red and have a pointy tail and be engulfed in flames," the terrified woman stuttered, rubbing her cross necklace slowly.

"Eh, I got sick of that look. The flames were givin' me a rash too," Miyuki said casually with a shrug. "Haven't you ever read the Bible? Psh, and you call yourself a Christian." The woman gasped loudly.

"On-Only the Devil would know I was a Christian when I didn't even say I was! Lord, save me!" She shrieked, standing up hastily and running out of the shop, tripping over her feet and the Persian rugs on the way out.

"Come back soon!" Sarah yelled out to her, shaking her head. "Crazy lady." Miyuki smirked and took another gulp of her coffee when she caught the tail end of Shion's conversation with Allen.

"…baby," Shion said lovingly. "I love you." Shion hung up her cell phone, but didn't have time to put it away before Miyuki spat her coffee out all over the place, spraying her and the cell phone in the process.

"YOU'RE HAVING A BABY?" She shrieked in disbelief, her eyes the size of cantaloupes. Coffee dripped down her chin and onto the table. Silently, Shion wiped some coffee off her face and stood up, walking over to the counter. She came back with a handful of paper napkins. She finished wiping off her face, and wiped off her cell phone.

"I swear to God, if you ruined my cell phone, I'm going to murder you," she said, giving Miyuki a death glare as she stuffed her cell back into her pocket.

"Then you'll go to Hell. And you'll be stuck with me anyways," Miyuki said, finally wiping the coffee off her chin. "And what are you gonna name it?"

"Miyuki, I'm not-"

"Can I be the godmother?"

"Miyuki-"

"Oh, name it Marty if it's a boy, for me, pleeeaaase, Shion!"

"Miyuki, would you-"

"Ooh, if it's a girl, name it Catherine!"

"Miyuki, I'm not pregnant!" Shion shrieked, holding her head in her hands.

"Marty's such a—oh. You're not? That's no fun," Miyuki whined, pouting and taking a sip of the coffee that was left in her cup. Shion shook her head.

"No, I am not pregnant. Why does _everyone_ think that today?"

"Ooh, not _yet_," her coffee-fied friend quipped back at her, nodding. "Twenty bucks says you get knocked up tonight."

"Miyuki, I… Oh, for God's _sake_," she groaned, laughing slightly and shaking her head. She stood up and pushed her chair in. "I'm going home and making dinner for Allen and myself."

"I swear. You. Are. Getting. Pregnant. To-niiiight!" Miyuki sang at the woman walking away from her. Shion turned around and shook her head at Miyuki one last time before leaving. She could hear Miyuki's song of Pregnancy even after she left. She also heard Sarah yell at Miyuki, saying, "Shut up, or I'm kicking you out!" She laughed quietly to herself as she walked to her hover car, past the man still crying beside his vehicle.

Hm. She had awfully bad luck when it came to rocks.

**xXxXxXx**

Chrysler Stadium was about to burst at the seams. The stadium was packed to maximum capacity for the seven o'clock show. This was no ordinary show. This was the most popular band in the entirety of the universe. This was Erotic Bubble Gum.

Near the entrance, there was a large table with an assortment of clothing splayed across it, and prices written carelessly on sticky notes sitting atop each piece of merchandise. The table was split into two: one half for Erotic Bubble Gum and one half for their opening band, Press Four for Dutch. There was a mass of people huddled around, buying things before Press Four for Dutch began warming up the crowd for EBG. There was a large sign plastered on the wall behind the PFfD half of the table that read, 'Press Four for Dutch will be autographing at 10:45' in large black letters. Everything seemed to be going smoothly. But in the back, it was a wreck…

"Jesus Christ, _why_ won't you let me in? I'm with the band, hellooooo!" A woman in a pair of oversized sunglasses groaned, tapping her foot impatiently at the chunky man standing guard for the back entrance.

"There's no one blind in Press Four for Dutch or Erotic Bubble Gum, lady. Trust me, I would know. I'm their security," he said proudly, pointing to the name tag on his chest. The woman made a disgusted face, getting fed up with him.

"Well, Ernie _Goshenmieyer_, let me in, because I am Eden Casey, thank you very much," she snapped, whipping off her sunglasses, revealing her bright blue eyes.

"No matter how much your _eyes_ look like Miss Casey's, I can't let you through. Any fan knows that wannabes aren't part of the show, girl," he said, leaning against the door and crossing his arms. Eden sighed desperately.

"Would you freakin' let me in, man? I am Eden freakin' Casey!" She said, accenting the 'freakin' as much as she could.

"No can do, poser." Eden let out a 'tch' and turned on her heel, walking away and slipping her sunglasses back on.

"I knew I shouldn't have dyed my hair blue," she muttered, kicking a rock angrily as she walked her way back out front. She approached the doors, expecting to be able to just swing it open and walk in, but was stopped by a woman in a security uniform.

"Where do you think you're going? Lemme see your ticket," the woman said. Eden sighed and lowered her glasses to her.

"Amanda," she said. "Ernie is being queer again. I have to go through the front."

"Ohh, hey," Amanda said. "Uh, do you remember what happened last time?"

"Yes," Eden said quietly with a shudder. "I don't care. I have to get back." Amanda shrugged and let out a deep sigh.

"Your funeral."

"Yeah, thanks for the reminder," Eden muttered, pushing open the door and scanning the area quickly, glancing at any signs on how to get backstage from upfront. She slowly remembered being at Chrysler Stadium once before, and meeting her favourite band when she was thirteen. She made her way towards where they had come out of so many years ago, weaving through throngs of people.

"Pardon me, hey 'scuse me, comin' through, excuse me, move it!"

Today, Eden didn't care if she got mauled by rabid fans or not. She just wanted to get backstage and whoop Ernie's ass really bad. Right before she reached the door to backstage, of course guarded by two women with nice, dangerous Tazers attached to their belts for easy kills, she was stopped by someone tapping her on the back lightly. She whipped around to see a boy about thirteen, staring at her and practically drooling all over himself. She winced a little.

"Do you know who I am?" She whispered, making a terrified face. He nodded, his green eyes wider than a lampshade.

"Shit!" She muttered, grabbing him by the wrist and dragging him to the guards. They stopped her and she tilted down her sunglasses, humming a song to them, saying 'let me in, or I'll shoot you with my laser vision that I don't even have' and tapping her foot impatiently.

"Oh! Miss Casey. Go on in," one said, nodding and letting her through. She pushed her sunglasses back up her nose with her middle finger and dragged the kid to her dressing room. She didn't bother closing the door behind her as he sat down on a couch, eyes still wide, but the drool gone off of his chin. She kneeled down in front of him, taking off her sunglasses and putting them on the top of his head.

"You, kid, chill. I'll be back momentarily. I just have to go kick some ass," she said, standing up and rushing out of the room. The teenager sat on the couch, gazing at the doorway, amazed.

"Hey, you finally got he-what? Hey, you're not Eden," a woman said, stopping in the doorway and looking at the boy on the couch. She turned away and walked towards where she heard screaming and pounding on the door. The boy heard the screams get louder and heard someone shriek, "LET GO OF ME!"

"Get in there and get dressed, weirdo," the woman said to Eden, pushing her into her dressing room, walking in and closing the door behind her.

"Gimme a break, Morgan! He wouldn't let me in!" Morgan pulled a pair of black Capri's out of a closet and tossed them at Eden. They were all quiet for a long period of time, before the boy gasped and fainted. The women both stared at him silently for a few seconds.

"…We need to fire Ernie," Eden said, glaring at Morgan.

**xXxXxXx**

"Okay. So Eden and the girls are on stage as of now, playing and warming up the crowd for us?" A tall black haired man questioned, scratching the back of his neck.

"Yup," replied a lanky brunette woman, who was wearing a headset, and holding a clip board.

"Well that's good, because-"

"I STILL CAN'T FIND ALBEDO!" Screeched our favourite red-haired gunner, stomping into the room the brunette and the black-haired man were in and dropping to his knees in front of an empty couch and lifting up the cushions.

"A to the L to the BEDO!" He shrieked at the couch, practically hyperventilating. The woman and the man who had been speaking stared at Jr. in confusion, both of their mouths hanging wide open.

"_Gaignun_," Jr. whined, standing up. "Have you seen Albedo?"

"IIIII haaaaaaave," sang an annoyingly high pitched voice. A tall, slender woman slid in the room in a very suave manner, one drumstick inserted into the orange-red mass of hair that was lazily flipped into a bun, and the other in her hand, her bright, nearly lime-green eyes sparkling mischeviously. Jr. glared at her.

"Tal_ho_," he said, accenting the last syllable of her name just enough to piss her off. She tapped her foot and pursed her shiny, glossed lips at him.

"So, I guess you don't really wanna know where Albedo is?"

"Uh, well… First, I'd like to know why you aren't on stage with Eden, Kimiko and Morgan," Gaignun commanded, looking for an immediate answer from the drummer. She shrugged.

"We haven't started yet. It's not even time to go on," Talho said with a snort, waving her wrist around at Gaignun, her large watch flopping around and almost wriggling off of her hand. She slipped the other drumstick in her pocket. "Soooo, I figured we'd spend some time… _bonding_, if you know what I mean."

"…Tal," Gaignun said, looking distressed. Talho pouted and slid towards Gaignun, wrapping her arms around his waist and looking up into his emerald eyes, still pouting.

"But, _Gaignun_… We haven't spent time since last weekend," she said in a slightly whiny voice. Her lover glanced down at her, looking annoyed.

"Which was two days ago," he responded, suppressing a snort of laughter. Talho just shrugged and clung onto Gaignun even more tightly.

"Aww, but… I've been so _lonely_," she said, making puppy-dog eyes at him. He groaned.

"Fine," he said weakly, sighing. Talho let out an enthusiastic giggle, and pressed her lips against his firmly. Jr. stared at them in his moment of boredom, drooling all over himself absentmindedly. When Gaignun and Talho's lips split, Gaignun cleared his throat, glaring at Jr.

"…Eh? Oh! Right. ALBEEEEDOOO," Jr. screeched, coming to after wiping drool off of his chin and closing his mouth. He stood up, and shuffled off, yelling Albedo's name in about a million different pitches and ways.

"I'll look for him too," the woman with the clipboard said, walking off quickly, not casting a glance behind her as she made her way towards the lobby of Chrysler Stadium. Talho glanced at her watch.

"Mmm, gotta go warm up with the girls," she said, planting a peck on Gaignun's cheek and walking off. "Ciao!"

"Gaaaignuuun," sang a voice from his left, accompanied by the banging of a closing door and squeaking shoes. The black-haired man glanced over to the door and saw Albedo grinning stupidly.

"How come you're all wet?" Gaignun asked, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"Uh, it's raining, maybe? What? Did you think it was all sunny and stuff… and stuff… outside? Well, nooo, it's not," Albedo exclaimed, walking towards Gaignun and tossing his large raincoat onto the couch. His grin grew.

"…What? What're you smiling about?"

"I got attacked by fangirls," Albedo said, nodding, still grinning. Gaignun opened his mouth to say something, but the white haired man silenced him quickly.

"Fangirls. Voluptuous, beautiful, _dripping wet_ fangirls."

**xXxXxXx**

**ZOMG… Longest chapter yeeeet. 15 freakin' pages long, man. That's a looong chapter. Well, for me. The end of this chap was supposed to make up for last chap for KOS-MOS rox… I'm sorry! This chap just got so long… cries**

**Okay. My updates will be getting less and less. I'll be lucky if I post much the rest of this year at all. I'm starting my freshman year in high school, and I know it's gonna be a BITCH. **

**OH! And OC's… Sarah and Jeff are actually real people. They work at the local coffee shop here, Rapunzel's! Yes, Rapunzel's is an actual place. I'll take pictures and put up the link to them soon so you guys can check it out and know what I'm talking about.**

**Eden is my character in this, and Talho is KOS-MOS rox's character. Morgan is my friend Morgan… and am I missing anyone? Oh yeah, Kimiko. Even though she really didn't appear in the fic, just her name, it's chaosxshion's character!**

**Man this is one long A/N. But I have my reasons. I'm starting band camp on the 7th of August, maybe… I don't know, because I'm having a bit of a retarded moment… I'm supposed to go to a concert that day too, so I don't know. But… My updates will definitely slow, and be even less than they are now! Oh noes! Anyhow… REVIEW!**

**REVIEWERS WILL GET CANDY!**

**-Aeris**


	5. Note To My Lovelies!

**note to my beautiful reviewers that i love so much:**

i haven't updated in a while because. well. quite frankly, i suck.

however, i promise you i'll have chapter five up before August! i'm working on it right now, it's the other document open.

i love youu!

**xxo**

**-aeris**


	6. Tragidiculous Drunken Stupor

**Wild Cherry Chews**

OH MY GAWD AERIS IS UPDATING.

It's KOS-MOS rox's birthday again! This means ShionxAllen insanity. –insert wink here-

HAPPY BIRTHDAY.  
I LOVE YOU.  
Just like the way Shion leuhv-ed Kevvy. Except not. Not at all.

Er. I don't own Pepsi. Or any of this. –sadfacehere- WAIT I OWN SKIPPY.

**xxo**

**chapitre cinq:  
****tragidiculous drunken stupor**

Allen paced back and forth outside of a door, glancing up at it every few steps. He fidgeted with his sleeves, muttering to himself incoherently. The doorknob of the door rattled slightly, and he stopped abruptly, looking up. The door swung open and a wide man stood at the door, a stupid look on his face.

"Come in, the boss is ready to see you," he announced in a deep voice, a mass of smoke slipping out of the room and assaulting Allen, who in turn blinked rapidly and choked a bit. The man stepped aside and Allen entered the room, which was dark and smoky. Allen approached the desk in the middle of the room and waited.

"So, you wanted to talk to me?" Another man managed to ask, twirling around in his spinny chair and glancing up at Allen, slurping up ramen loudly, his large eyes showing curiosity. Allen gulped as he watched the man put down a bowl.

"Uh, well, I-uh-yeah…sir."

_SLUUURP._

"Don't call me sir, Allen. No need for formalities. Call me-" The man snapped, and a group of women came rushing over from the corners of the room towards him. They all sighed gustily and a few moaned as they stroked his shoulders, hair, arms, anything they could get their hands on.

"Skiiiippyy," they sighed in unison. A smirk was plastered on Skippy's lips as Allen just stared at him, a look of disbelief on his face.

"Uh. O…kay… Mr. Skippy, would it be alright if I took tonight and tomorrow off?" Allen questioned, scratching the back of his head nervously. Skippy froze in the midst of reaching for his bowl of ramen and stared at Allen darkly. The women gasped and took a step backwards. There was a long awkward silence until Skippy shuffled his feet under his desk and clicked his tongue.

"…Sure!" He said casually, picking up his ramen and slurping again, his eyes gazing innocently at Allen.

"Th-Thanks," Allen replied awkwardly, seeming surprised with his boss's answer. There was another silence.

"Was that all?" Skippy inquired, with another long slurp. Allen nodded.

"Uhm, yeah, that's it."

"Alrighty then," Skippy said, waving towards the door, dismissing Allen. The brown-haired man stumbled backwards towards the door a bit and reached for the doorknob.

"Oh, and Allen," his boss said suavely, setting down the bowl of soup, "do me a favor." Allen turned around.

"Yes?"

"Get me a picture of those wonderful breasticles," Skippy said with a smirk. Allen was stunned for a moment, but then nodded.

"Uh… o-okay," he muttered, walking out of the door, hearing Skippy chuckling in a creepy way behind him as he clicked the door shut. He stood in the hall, wondering if Skippy had been serious or not. He decided not to return into the room behind him when he heard giggles and squeals from the women that had been stroking Skippy pointlessly. The door flung open and Skippy poked his head out.

"Here," he said, handing Allen a digital camera. "Use this."

"Bluugh?" Allen stammered out, his brain melting into a puddle of useless.

"For the picture, you tard!" Skippy roared and then slammed the door in Allen's face. Allen stood in shock for a few moments, then pulled the camera up to look through it, at the pictures. There were multiple pictures of him wearing tight black shirts reading "Thursday" and "Alexisonfire" accompanied with girl jeans, dramatic black eyeliner, and hair hanging in his face. Allen stared at the pictures confusedly on the display. Skippy poked his head out of the door again.

"Rawr," he said, making his eyes wide, causing Allen to yelp and jump. His boss laughed and went back into the room, slamming the door again. The slam was followed by yet more giggles and squeals. He looked back down at the camera and flipped to yet another picture and made a face. There was a black and white picture of Skippy holding a razor blade in his mouth and his lip bleeding. He was holding a piece of paper that said "I bleed black" on it in scrawny, messy lettering.

"Oh, God, please be kidding," Allen muttered looking at the picture disgustedly. He fiddled with the camera, finally turned it off and shoved it into his pocket. He stood silently for a moment, pondering what to do, until his cell phone began vibrating in his pocket. He jumped a bit at the sudden feeling and pulled it out of his pocket and answered it.

"Ridgeley here," he said, walking away from the room he'd been in minutes before.

"Hey you," came a sultry voice, followed by a clang. "OH JESUS!"

"Shion?" Allen asked, for he hadn't looked at the ID when his phone rang.

"Yeah, I'm the only one who's gonna call you and try to sound all sexy… Unless there's something I don't know," Shion joked, sounding strained.

"Are you alright?" He inquired gently, leaning against a wall.

"Suuure, just dropped a pan on my foot. Other than that I'm dandy," the woman on the other line said. Allen couldn't help but laugh at his girlfriend's expense.

"So, did you get tonight off? Well… You're obviously _getting off tonight _but, I meant work," She said flirtatiously. Allen laughed.

"You bet," he exclaimed blankly and began walking down the hall towards the exit.

"Right. So when are you going to be here?"

"Sometime within the hour… I've got a few errands to run," he said to Shion, giving Jon, the man at the door, a two-fingered wave as he exited the dark building and stepped into the alley outside of the Second Miltia mafia headquarters. Shion let out an 'mmm' of understanding and there was a silence as Allen stepped out of the alley, onto the sidewalk. He pulled his keys out of his back pocket as he approached his car.

"Well, I'll see you tonight, alright?" Allen exclaimed, looking for the right key.

"Oh yes, and, don't forget…" Shion trailed off and her voice dropped down to the sexy low tone she'd used when Allen had first answered the phone, "I've got a nice surprise for you tonight." Allen's eyes widened and he dropped his keys. He dropped down to his knees to get the keys from the ground, and slammed his head on the side of his car accidentally. He yelped and nearly dropped the phone.

"Ummm, are you okay?" Shion asked. Allen groaned in response and grabbed his keys, carefully standing up. He heard someone laughing beside him and glanced over to see a small child with a lollipop.

"I hope you choke," Allen muttered, unlocking his car and climbing into the driver's seat. There was a short pause and Shion coughed.

"Oh, yeah, sorry, I'm fine, I just hit my head," he said, starting up his vehicle. "Alright, I'm in the car now, and I'll be leaving in a minute, so… I'll see you tonight."

"Okay. Bye," Shion muttered distractedly, clanging and other random noises dominating the background noise. Allen pulled the phone away from his ear and hung up, revving his car's engine up. He turned the stereo on and began singing loudly with the words as soon as he caught on to which part the song had been at.

"Leeet me seee that thoooong! Babyyy! That thong tha-thong-thong-thong!"

**xxo**

It was a dull Friday evening, and the dinner rush had not yet started. Momo was sitting at the bar with a damp rag, tapping her fingers on the counter with her lips pursed. There was a TV hanging above the other side of the bar and a soccer game was on, but she quite frankly couldn't care less. She had decided to distract herself with the silverware in front of her. She was making them dance to the tune of the music being played throughout the restaurant.

"Momo?" Came a voice from behind her. She dropped the silverware, twirled around in the spinny seat, almost falling off, and then looked up at the person. Her mother was standing next to Ziggy, her hands clasped together in front of her.

"Um, yes?" Her eyes flickered between her mother and her sort-of-dad-kind-of-person-but-not-really. Juli walked over to the seat beside Momo and sat down, gently placing her hands upon the girl's knees.

"Honey, we have to tell you something," Juli finally said. Momo glanced at her blankly.

"Alright."

"Um. Well. Sometimes, when two people get to know each other, they have strong feelings for each other, and it can be known as love."

"Mom, I'm nineteen, not four," Momo complained, giving her mother an exasperated look. Juli sighed.

"Alright, well, Ziggy and I have been dating for three months," she said, feeling a wave of awkward wash over her. Momo stared at her blankly.

"…That's it?"

"Um, well, yes, honey," Juli stammered.

"I already knew that," Momo replied, giving her mother a look that read 'you dumbass' and turned back around in her seat and played with her silverware, making them breakdance. Ziggy watched the silverware in interest, wondering if perhaps he could take up a job as a part-time breakdancer. He was soon lost in the spinning silver goodness of the moment, at least until Juli hopped off the seat and grabbed his hand and pulled him out of his ghetto reverie. The couple took a few steps, then Juli stopped and turned to Momo.

"Oh, and by the way, we're all going to dinner tonight, kay?" She said enthusiastically, smiling at her daughter. Momo didn't turn around in her seat to face her mother, but instead let out a noise that sounded slightly like a chicken squawking and kept playing with the silverware. The door to the restaurant swung open and in sauntered a man decked out in accessories that screamed 'I like dark alleyways and knife fights get me hot'. He wore a big dark grey trench coat, a pair of aviator sunglasses and a hat with some white hair poking out from under it. Momo spun around in her chair to face him.

"Hi. Welcome to Hooters. Just one?" She asked politely, a fake smile on her face. The man didn't respond, but approached her slowly. Her smile faded away and she stared at the man confusedly. When he was standing perfectly in front of her, he reached into his trenchcoat. Momo stifled back a gasp and attempted to get up.

"OH GAWD DON'T SHOOT-" She began screaming. The man whipped out a piece of paper from his jacket and Momo's squealing ceased immediately, and she instead let out a little 'oh' noise. The man extended the paper to her, and she realized it wasn't just a piece of paper. It was a ticket.

And this ticket was to the biggest show around in years.

It was time to Get Chewed with Erotic Bubble gum.

"Is this-?" When Momo glanced up to see the man, he was gone. Her eyes widened greatly, and wondered how he'd left without the door making any sort of noise. It was creepy, and he was her savior. She smiled and looked back down at the ticket, suppressing a (fan)girly squeal. Quickly, she threw off her Hooters apron and sprinted out the door, hair flying behind her. The man popped up, standing from the counter he'd been hiding behind, chewing a piece of gum almost violently. Juli walked up to the bar, looking at him curiously.

"Um. May I help you?" She inquired, looking confused. He looked at her through his dark sunglasses for a moment.

"Nerp!" He squeaked, then jumped onto the bartop, sliding over and exiting the restaurant. Juli stood silently for a moment, then turned around and slipped into the bar, waiting for the dinner rush… Little did she know, that night the city would lack a dinner rush due to the biggest show in years.

However, she also had no idea that she would have dinner that night with the lack of her daughter's presence.

**xxo**

"S'cuse me, yo, hey, man, what's up, can I get a hot dog?" A man called out loudly from the back of a line of perhaps six people. The people in front of him turned around, death glares plastered on their faces. The one man gave them a glare that challenged even that of Helmer's… Wait, the man was Helmer!

"Say wh-nyaa-whuu?" chaos stammered, looking at him confusedly.

The Unfortunate chaos was stuck in the Second Miltia capitol park, at a hot dog vendor's stand and selling weenies like he had no other passion. Could he feel any more stupid? Of course he could. He was forced to wear an apron with a picture of a smiling hot dog cheaply embroidered on it and a plain white tee shirt. His outfit was complete with a little paper hat perched atop his head neatly and pink oven mitts. Why he needed fluffy pink oven mitts to sell hot dogs he would never know. It certainly hadn't been in the job description when he'd applied.

"I want a hot dog, whitie!" Helmer bellowed, baring his dangerously white teeth at all of the people in line in front of him. Each of them scuttled away in terror, afraid to glance at the man who'd once been at the back of the line. Once he stood at the front, right in front of chaos, he looked down with a smile.

"Howdy there, chaos," he said happily, his tongue sticking out. chaos lifted an eyebrow and was almost at a loss for words.

"Er… Hi, Helmer. What would you like?"

"Do you have filet mignon flavored hot dogs, bitch?" Helmer inquired curiously, blinking like an innocent little kid. chaos's eyebrows furrowed.

"…I don't think so," he said carefully. Helmer made a face.

"Uhh, gimme a Super Dog with extra chili and ketchup," Helmer said, looking up at the nonexistent menu, pointing at what perhaps could be the left side of it. chaos stared at him blankly for a moment, then opened a heated container, pulling out a hot dog. He dished all of the condiments out perfectly atop the hot dog. Helmer watched him in interest, jaw hanging open. He squirted some extra ketchup on after smothering it in chili, and extended it to Helmer.

"Would you like anything to drink?" chaos asked, bored. Helmer stared up once again at the invisible menu.

"Neh, I'm already drunk enough."

"Um. We don't sell alcoholic beverages, I wasn't talking about that…" chaos told Helmer, who seemed to be absolutely fascinated with the nonexistent menu.

A man stood in line behind him, tapping his foot. A few moments passed, Helmer looking incredibly stupid.

"Can we please finish this? I've got a meeting to get to in ten minutes," the man complained, giving chaos an annoyed look.

"Excuse me?" Helmer muttered, turning around angrily. "Say it again and I'mma bust a cap in yo fool ass!" He roared, looking like he was about to, well, quite frankly, bust a cap. The man's knees trembled, and he sprinted away holding his briefcase in his arms.

"OH GOD, DON'T KILL ME!" He screamed. chaos sighed.

"Helmer, I know you've got your dangerous nature and all, but could you please not scare away the customers anymore? The more customers that scream like girls and run to their mothers, the less I get paid," chaos said sadly, looking regretful as he held out the hot dog in his hand. Helmer scrunched his nose up.

"Why are you workin' as a hot dog vendor anyway, eh?" He asked.

"At least I'm not a birthday box," chaos replied, crossing his arms. "And, really, please, I need customers."

"If you insist," Helmer said with a sigh. "Oh, and give me a Pepsi." He took the hot dog and chaos opened the cooler side of the stand, pulling out a bottle of Pepsi. He realized he soaked his fluffy pink mitt and frowned. He handed the bottle to Helmer, then tossed off his mitt.

"It's on the house. I guess," chaos said, knowing fully well that Helmer wouldn't pay.

"Damn straight it is! Ain't nobody gonna charge a man who work fo' Second Miltia!" Helmer said loudly, his mouth full of food. chaos blinked slowly as some of the food in his mouth was spit out onto his apron. Gee, was he glad he had that or what? There was a long silence, aside from Helmer's loud chewing. chaos looked up at Helmer blankly, and noticed his red eyes.

"Um. Helmer, are you okay?" He inquired almost gently. He didn't want to be smacked verbally today and decided not to sound like an idiot. Helmer stopped eating and his eyes watered up, dropping his hot dog with a loud whine.

"Nooo! I'm not okay, chaos!" He cried, sniffling. chaos stared at him in astonishment as he began crying like a small child.

"Um…There, there?" chaos tried, patting Helmer on top of his shiny bald head in comfort, confusedly.

"Nugh… She…she said horrible things to me about my mother… then dumped me," Helmer blubbered helplessly, sniffing. chaos's face contorted in complete and total confusion. What was he talking about?

"Who did?" He asked. In response, Helmer muttered inaudibly and whimpered pathetically a few times. "Uh. What?"

"BEYONCE! The singing temptress! Oh, that wicked woman and her alluring ways!" He shrieked, voice shaky and high pitched. chaos heaved a loud sigh.

It was going to be one long day…

**xxo**

"Hey, ba-a-by," a voice rang out along with the slam of a door. Allen looked around the empty bit of the hall, and unbuttoned his jacket, slipping it off quickly. He could smell Shion's cooking, and he was quite pleased. It smelled of numerous herbs, and of course, her. He inhaled deeply, feeling immediately relaxed. As he kicked off his shoes, Shion appeared out of the kitchen, leaning lazily against the wall. When Allen's eyes met the sight of her, he nearly dropped the coat he was holding in his hands. She was dressed in a short, slinky black cocktail dress, the neck dipping down to her chest, a small amount of cleavage visible and her hair was let loose, but curled to perfection, ringlets framing her face. Allen's jaw dropped as his eyes skimmed over her body. She smiled and approached him slowly, almost painfully. When she was right in front of him, her smile transformed into a sultry smirk. She leaned up on her toes and gave him a kiss on the lips.

"Damn," Allen managed to stutter out after their lips parted. Shion laughed a little bit as she turned away, walking back into the kitchen, bare feet padding against the linoleum. Allen followed her closely, like a lovesick puppy. He was surprised when he walked into the kitchen. She'd set up the high counter as their dinner table. All the food was arranged neatly, and there were candles lit all around the kitchen. Once again, his girlfriend had astounded him beyond all reason.

"Wow, you really went all out for this, didn't you?" Allen inquired, looking at Shion, who was standing beside him. She nodded proudly, eyes glittering in the candlelight. He grabbed her arm and pulled her into him, embracing her tightly. "It looks amazing." Allen leaned down and placed a kiss on her lips. Shion's arms wrapped around him and she returned the kiss happily. Allen's tongue ran along her lips and she laughed a bit, hitting him in the chest and pushing him away.

"I made this for us to eat it, not for it to just sit there and look delicious!" She complained, pulling herself out of Allen's arms. They both took a seat at the counter and began eating their meals. When Allen took the first bite of his whatever it was, he moaned loudly and looked at Shion, who had stopped with her fork halfway to her mouth, and eyebrow arched.

"Foodgasm!" Allen moaned, chewing the food in his mouth slowly. Shion slowly put the forkful of food into her mouth and chewed as well.

"I'm glad you like it," Shion exclaimed after she took a sip of her glass of wine. There was a long silence between them as Allen continued to scarf down his food as if he'd never eat again. When he began choking, he grabbed his glass of wine and chugged the entire thing quickly. He set the glass down and looked up at Shion for a moment, then resumed desperately eating. Silence consumed them again, until Shion let out a little cough. Allen glanced up at her.

"…So, um… I broke someone's window today," Shion explained casually. Allen stopped shoveling food into his mouth and gave her an exasperated look, swallowing.

"Shion, how many times do I have to tell you not to break people's windows with baseball bats?" He asked with a deep sigh. Shion shook her head almost violently.

"No! No, no, no, this time it was someone's car window! With a rock!"

"Oh. Okay."

"How was your day?" Allen asked, refraining from eating desperately for a moment. Shion shrugged.

"Relatively uninteresting. I spent most of the day cooking," she admitted, a little smile on her face. "How about yours? What'd you do?"

"Same old thing. Sold some drugs, robbed a bank, saved a kitten from a tree," he joked. Shion laughed a little bit. There was another pause, and then Allen finished off his food and glanced up at Shion expectantly.

"Dessert?" She asked, pushing her chair back.

"You know it," Allen said with an excited nod. He figured Shion would pull a delicious pie out of absolutely nowhere (just like chaos and his stick) or perhaps she would set a bowl of jello on the table for Allen to engorge in, however, she disappeared from the kitchen and there was silence in the room. Allen looked to the candle beside him in boredom, fascinating himself with the flickering of the flame.

"Flicky, flicky, flicky," he said, eyes wide. He was staring at it so intensely he didn't notice Shion slip back into the kitchen. She cleared her throat loudly, and Allen jerked his head up and looked at her. He nearly fell off of his seat.

Shion was wearing nothing but lacy undergarments and was holding a can of whip cream in one hand and a bottle of Hershey's chocolate syrup in the other. Allen whistled once he regained himself.

"Bow chicka wow wow," He sang, looking her up and down. Shion's eyebrows furrowed at her boyfriend in confusion.

"What?" She asked. Allen had to rub his eyes to see if he was imagining things...and indeed after he rubbed his eyes, he realized he was imagining it quite a bit. Shion was standing at the fridge with her dress on and a pie in her hands. Allen pouted a bit then returned to staring at the candle. Shion slid the pie onto the counter and leaned on her elbows, looking at him.

"Were you hoping for a different kind of dessert?" She inquired, eyes big. Allen's attention immediately was turned to her in curiosity.

"Mhm?" He immediately sat up straight, eyes wide and focused perfectly on his girlfriend. She turned around and opened the fridge, pulling out that amazing can of whip cream Allen had been hallucinating. He attempted not to grin when she turned around and sprayed some on her index finger. She sucked it off with her eyes boring into Allen's. He laughed in an overly creepy way and moved around the counter to his girlfriend with a dangerous grin on his face. He grabbed the can and quickly sprayed it down her dress. She squealed and ran around to the other side of the counter, attempting to scoop out the cream. Allen ran around to the side as well and hugged Shion tightly, smashing the whip cream down her bra. She groaned in annoyance, the sensation on her chest uncomfortable.

"Uncomfy, are we?" Allen inquired with a toothy grin. Shion nodded and attempted to give him a glare. Instead, she burst out into giggles and Allen pulled the dress up over her head roughly, exposing her lacy undergarments. She blushed and attempted to cover herself up, only for Allen to pull her into a kiss. As soon as she began to kiss back, he broke their lip contact and gave little kisses from her jaw down to her chest, licking the whip cream up. She couldn't help but let out a bit of laughter. Allen stopped kissing her and looked up at her with a wink. She grabbed his hand and twirled around to the other side of him, her curls bouncing with every movement as she led him towards her room. He smoothly snaked his free hand into the pocket of his pants and pulled out the digital camera Skippy had supplied him with. A smirk worked its way onto his lips as Shion shut the door behind her.

"Say cheese, babe," he exclaimed, holding up the camera. She twisted into the sexiest pose she could think of, a nowhere-near-innocent smile on her face.

Oh, Allen was going to get one _hell_ of a promotion.

**xxo**

-FALLS OVER-

I've finally updated! I don't even have anything to say. Do I? Yesh, yes I do.

Thank you to everybody who's reading this and is sticking with it right now, I know I didn't update for a year but I certainly didn't forget about it. I'll try and work on this story more, but I don't know when the next chapter will be up. I hope it'll be up before next year, but… honestly? I don't know, haha.

Reviews would make me happy indeed.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KOS-MOS ROX.

- Aeris (loves you)


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